... It was nice to wait for you ; a phone call and the news spreading of your imminent arrival "Michel's coming, Michel's coming !". I used to stamp with impatience and when I could hear a car stopping in front of the house, I used to run to the window, check whether it was yours, run to the stairwell and shout "Michel, Michel come upstairs". My uncle had just had time to greet you that you were going upstairs giving in to my whims, to get me shut or, who knows, to escape. You had only time to greet us shortly, yes you will come to have dinner with us the next day, compelled to surrender, but you were only thinking to them, your friends, your sole family and they were waiting for you, so only just arrived, you used to disappear to the great displeasure of your father. It was nice to see you for a couple of hours every 6 months, back from a winter or summer season here or there in the world. Just a short time shared with us to let us know how you were going, to give me a present from Egypt, Turkey, Tunesia or Tahiti ...
I remember of the celebration when you got engaged, when the big child who my father is once again needed to be clowning around, ringing the row of bells placed for decoration above the glass table. A shame and a fear ! At least 7 years misfortune. Is that something that one can forgive ?
I remember when you got your first child ; you were alone in your flat and you prepared us the nicest meal I had ever eaten : French fries with peas.
I remember having visited you at work in Chamonix ; having gone once alone many years later and having gone skiing with you there in the Alps.
If I had to add up the hours spent with you, how many would it be ? 2 days in a year x about 20 years = a minimum of 40 days in one life.
Oh I did see you more than 40 days since the disease compelled you to stop working, bringing you to stay in your village which is also mine. As it often happens, it is in extreme situations that people take time to appreciate each other. I'm just happy that I found the time and courage to tell you that I loved you before it was too late.
What was expecting you and us was terrifying and I still wonder how you were feeling and what you were thinking, all the more at the end, when you could no longer move the lips to let a word come out or hold a pen to express yourself ; oh at the beginning, helpless ventriloquist, you tried to push from the very bottom of your throat a cry that was nearly bestial and difficult to understand ; this must have been terrifying to notice how every door or window got closed, one after the other, of not being able to say anything about you, your feelings, your needs, your distress, just nodding from time to time but how was it when people did not ask the right questions, did not ask about what you would have liked to speak of ? What a prison !
I can not help thinking of my aunt ; « you're right, aunt, one has more respect for animals than for human beings ; when an animal is suffering too much, one does shoot it down ; somebody who likes animals and have one, cat or dog or what do I know, would make the decision not to let him suffer and to give him an injection ».
People who have seen what I'm trying to describe will know ; other ones may not. Nevermind ; I want to salute your great COURAGE and tell you once again that we LOVE you, we : your family, your friends and me.
- - Michel died of a brain degenerating disease - maladie de Charcot - in his early 50ies, after having suffered a lot. - -
